Holding On To Self Esteem

You're going through one of the most life-changing and traumatic experiences of your life. Your body is being attacked from the inside, and your outside is changing in new and sometimes scary ways. In these times of uncertainty, it's easy to let your self-esteem fall away. There are ways to keep up your spirit and self-esteem up, you just have to allow yourself the courage to care for yourself. 

We are no strangers to seeing our patients and loved ones feeling defeated as they are working their way through cancer treatment, finding their footing after their treatments, and figuring out and finding their bodies again. Your self-esteem can be one of the first things that suffer during this difficult time and one of the last things that you're able to rebuild once you find your footing again. Negative experiences will automatically lower your self-esteem. It's easy to ask questions like, is there something wrong with me that made cancer pick me? Have I done something wrong? Did I make bad choices to make this happen to me? As we have talked about in so many of our other blogs, cancer chooses blindly. Just like in our previous blog, cancer doesn't see a beauty queen or someone fighting to prevent it. It just sees something to attack. 

Pain, feeling sick, not having your normal amounts of energy, not being able to sleep or eat after or during treatments are all going to change the way you're living your life. You won't be able to do a lot of the things at the same time, as quickly, or as often as you used to during your treatment. That's okay. By no means should this change how you view yourself, how you impact others, and how you should be living your life. This will change your day to day, but it won't be changing who you are at the core. This whole experience may make you feel less feminine, less attractive, less sure of yourself and who you are now. But you are still all of these things. You are still beauty, feminine, grace, and a woman. This experience may change you and how you look, but all the parts of what makes you unique and what you fought for are still there. There is beauty in that, and you need to keep fighting for that. 

When you get to this point in your journey of doubting yourself and you feel your self-esteem dropping, its time to start living a little differently. You might need to depend on more people than ever before, and asking for help. Losing your independence to help deal with everything is hard. You might think people are just seeing you as "the woman with breast cancer". But you are more than that. You are a woman who has breast cancer, yes. But it does not define you. This change might affect how you see your relationships, but in their eyes, they still see the person they love. It's common to feel anxious, sad, low and to have low self-esteem during this process. So don't beat yourself up for feeling these natural emotions. This can also cause you to pull away from your "normal" daily activities, seeing your friends, keeping up with your hobbies, and your work. But if you let the diagnosis win over the things you love in life, then what are you fighting for? Why would you let the diagnosis win and take away your time and quite possibly the only time you have left? You need to fight for you, for your self-esteem, and for the time you have before, during, and after treatment. 

DURING TREATMENT

Getting out of bed and getting to your treatments and daily life activities is half the battle and will take a lot of energy to get through. 

• Be brave enough to get the support you need. All of us here at The Breast Place are here for you through your whole journey. As a support system, as medical advisors, and here to help you feel better about yourself, your skin, and your femininity. It is also very important to remember to build a team that is right for you. From your medical to family and friends, find a team that will respect, push, love, nurture, and listen. 
• Continue to look after yourself. Keep up with as much physical activity as you can. Eat well, and continue to eat! Food could start feeling and tasting strange, experiment with what you can enjoy and let it help your body. 
• Do at-home spa treatments. Take longer baths when you're sore and when you want to. Splurge on that extra face or hair mask and that lotion to help your skin feel better as it goes through treatment. 
• Set realistic expectations for yourself. You are good enough. Make time for yourself, and for the things you love to do. Surround yourself with people that make you feel loved and beautiful no matter what. 
• You CANNOT compare yourself to anyone else. This journey is hard and will affect you and your life in ways it won't affect others. Some might make it look easy and that it's not affecting their lives as hard as it is yours. But anyone can make life look better than it is by hiding being social media. It is an excellent tool for people to hide behind and they choose what you get to see. You're not seeing their bad and ugly. If social media starts to bring you down, get rid of it. Limit your screen time. Unfollow the people who are making you sad or upset. Limit who you follow and why you're using your phone. 
• Feel-good fashion is a great way to feel comfortable in your skin and to show off a little flair while doing so. There are a ton of specialized garments out there that will make you feel comfortable, stylish, and not brought down by your typical hospital garments. These comfortable items can be worn at the hospital, at home, and during treatment. They have been designed to help empower you and help you feel like you again. 

AFTER TREATMENT 

You've made it to this stage, and what now? Life and how you feel are still so much different. You've fought the battle, but what other invisible wounds do you need to patch up? 

• Embrace what you survived and what you have overcome. Cherish what you love about yourself and the life you have beyond the physical changes that treatment left behind. 
• Do NOT let self-care take a back seat, and do NOT feel guilty for making it a priority in your life. It can make a difference in how you feel, in your mood, and your quality of life. 
• Give yourself time to adjust to these new changes in your body. 
• Check out cognitive behavior therapy. This type of therapy helps you become aware of the harsh ways you're dealing with and talking to yourself after treatment. It helps you deal with it positively. 
• Try therapeutic massage. It feels amazing and is amazing for your body and joints. 
• Your sex drive and sexual relationships with your partner may have changed. Couples therapy could be a good step to guide you through what's happening together. 

At the end of the day, keep remembering who you are, what makes you special, and celebrate that. There is nothing wrong with starting over, and there is nothing wrong with taking it at your speed. No one can make these choices for you, and no one defines your happiness. You've made the brave steps to be where you are today, be brave enough to celebrate today and every day you have.